merry merry merry merry christmas!

I love christmas time for many reasons. getting presents, giving presents, santa, the smell of pine...but with a lot of thought and study, I was able to narrow my favorite things about christmas time down to two. they are similar, but both worth noting:



mint m&ms. i'm normally not a huge m&m fan, but these are not normal m&ms. They are little candy-coated pieces of minty heaven. the problem is, you can't find them anywhere. somehow the word got out that they're so great, and now i can't find them anywhere. Target, WalMart, Shopko, Smiths....no luck. they have a million kinds of m&ms, but no more mint. so if anyone knows where to find them, please let me know. I finished my last bag weeks ago, and now i'm panicking.


thing number two:



these are new, so i'm not sure if they're seasonal or not. but i recommend getting your fill ASAP, in case they're gone after christmas. They're soft and fluffy like a regular 3 Musketeers, but they're minty! and it's dark chocolate! i really can't think of anything they could do to improve on that. maybe wrap it in money or something.


*both of them are also gluten-free, in case you were wondering.

thanks

thanksgiving this year was really fun. we went to the oregon coast with my family. here's what it looked like:





as you can see, my nieces and nephews are very cute.

5 inches

i got my hair cut.





the flash was really bright.

don't be so selfish for once in your life.

if you don't hate helping people, you should look through this list and maybe pick one of these things to do for the holidays. these are all just ideas from my place of employment, but if you don't live in SLC, i'm sure your local homeless shelter has plenty of opportunities as well. if you want to do one, let me know and i'll give you the contact information. or just go HERE.





HALLOWEEN
We are now accepting Halloween costumes for children from toddler to age 17. We have approximately 55 children in Shelter and 125 in our Housing program. Costumes may be new or gently used and can be delivered 7 days a week to our facility at 210 S. Rio Grande Street (455 West).



WINTER SHELTER
Adopt a bed for our Community Winter Shelter in Midvale!

The Winter Shelter is scheduled to open November 1st. Adopt a family bed for one family or for the season. A bed kit includes:
- One top and one bottom full/double sized sheets (they do not need to be fitted)
- Two pillow cases
- Two pillows
- Two washable blankets large enough to fit a full-sized bed

Five bed kits will adopt a bed for the winter season!
Our goal is to get five bed kits for each of the 60 beds in our family shelter to provide residents throughout the winter months. Residents are allowed to keep their bedding when they transition out of the shelter.



THANKSGIVING
Thanks to so many Thanksgiving dinners provided in the community, our shelter residents are able to eat their meal at one of these events. We do not have an opportunity to serve a meal at the Shelter, but we do collect items for turkey boxes which are delivered to residents in our housing program. For a list of items, click here: [Turkey Box Needs]

If you would like to find out more about volunteering to help serve a Thanksgiving meal in your area, visit www.informationandreferral.org.



CHRISTMAS
Our holiday Radiothon Broadcast tradition is coming up; we will have six radio stations broadcasting live from our shelter on Thursday, December 20th and Friday, December 21st. We will need volunteers throughout the day between 8:00 a.m. and 8:00 p.m. to help gather donations from the street, organize donations in our warehouse, and take donor calls in our call center. We are also looking for volunteers on Saturday, December 22nd, Sunday, December 23rd and Monday, December 24th to help in the same areas. Sign up early! This is a great opportunity for families, groups and individuals. Email jpaulsen@theroadhome.org to schedule a time.

Men's Christmas Bags
We are now accepting donations of items such as full-sized bottles of shampoo, shaving cream, razors, etc. for the Men’s Christmas Bags that will be handed out to 600 homeless men on Christmas Eve. For a complete list, click here: [Men's Christmas Bags]

Candy Cane Corner
The Candy Cane Corner is our holiday store stocked with all new donated items. Our families have a time scheduled so they can shop uninterrupted for their spouses and children. Volunteers are on hand to help pick out items and gift wrap. We are now accepting donations for the Candy Cane Corner. For a complete list of needed items, click here: [Candy Cane Corner Gift Ideas]

Volunteers are instrumental to the Candy Cane Corner (CCC). We need volunteers to help stock the store, organize the inventory, assist families with shopping and gift wrap items. Volunteers are needed Monday through Friday from 1:00 p.m. to 8:00 p.m., Saturday and Sunday from 12:00 p.m. to 5:00 p.m. beginning December 3rd.

what a crock.

i bought a crock pot, to help with my previously mentioned health condition. i figured since meat and vegetables are "safe", a crock pot would be the perfect thing for me. so i bought it last week, and cooked chicken and vegetables twice in it already. i brought it to work for lunch and everything, and it tasted so good. but all week i've been wanting to make a roast. in fact, when i pictured myself buying a crock pot, i pictured myself making delicious roast and having a real sunday dinner with friends or something. well, tonight i made my first roast---

let me preface this by saying that i was a vegetarian for 10 years. from the time i was 13 until i was 23. it all started when i had a really gross dream about bacon fat. i was eating tons of sausage and bacon, and drinking the fat (in the dream), and then i woke up and ran to the bathroom and barfed (in real life). then i decided i never wanted to eat meat again. so i didn't, until ten years later when i was in Hawaii at a restaurant called "Cheeseburger in Paradise", and the guy next to me was eating a tasty cheeseburger (in paradise), so i decided i wanted one too. i've been a meat-eater ever since that moment. i haven't however, been a meat-cooker. that part still grosses me out.

so i don't know why, when i was having those daydreams of myself cooking roast, it never occurred to me that there would be things like fat, juices, and grease involved. but there were. i thought i had picked a really lean looking roast (with some "marbling" like my sister told me to look for). i seared it just like they say to. i put in potatoes and carrots, and a little bit of broth, and salt and pepper, and then let it crock all day. by the time lee got off work, i was pretty excited to show off my home-cooking.

i do want to point out, that lee was happy with the roast. he even said it was as good as his mom's (maybe he said that when i was crying, but it still counts). i however, was not happy with it at all. there was so much grease! my plate was all slippery from it. and it seemed like the vegetables had been cooked in pure fat or something. they were heavy and tasted fatty. needless to say, i felt sick all night, and was so disappointed. it was so bad, that when i went to put the leftovers in tupperware, i was gagging, and considered just throwing it away.

luckily, lee will eat it. he better enjoy it while it lasts though, because my red-meat-cooking days are over.


*p.s. that picture is what i imagined my roast would look like. it didn't.

i can't. i'm allergic.

as you might remember from previous posts, i have been sick a LOT lately. enough that i was starting to consider quitting my job and trying to collect social security for my disability. the annoying thing was that all of my symptoms sounded like the kind of symptoms a 10 year-old would make up if they wanted to fake sick and stay home from school. Nausea (constantly), bowel issues, headaches, always tired, feeling dizzy, etc.

so anyway, i took a few trips to the doctor, who first told me i was anemic (yeah, i know). then he told me i am allergic to wheat (also referred to as gluten). so at first i was like "oh good, i finally know what's wrong with me!", but then i immediately changed to "oh no! i can never eat bread again in my entire life!".

so the last few days (since the life-changing diagnosis), have been a huge struggle to figure out what is safe to eat. the first day i pretty much lived on Fritos, because my friend told me that corn chips were safe. yum. and i used to eat oatmeal every day for breakfast, but those days are gone.

here's one thing that made me feel better though.



at least being wheat-free doesn't mean i have to be healthy or something.

boo

i don't know why i always think i like haunted houses. i do this every year. i get all excited, and try to convince people to come with me to a haunted house, and we wait in line--i'm still excited--we talk about scary things. then the minute we walk through the door/web/curtain/whatever, i completely lose it. and not in a "oh, this is so scary and fun!" kind of way. no. more in a "where is the exit, i'm having an anxiety attack" kind of way.

so yeah, i did this again last night. this time, it was more embarrassing than ever because it was at the lamest, cheesiest haunted house there is. at lagoon (which you may remember from this). there's this thing called Frightmares (for those who aren't familiar---which i wasn't until last night) that lagoon does every October. i guess they just kind of make all their rides spooky? i'm still not totally clear on it. anyway, they also add a few haunted houses. so brooke, jefe, lee and i went, and brooke and i convinced them to wait in line forever for this cheesy haunted house. but as soon as we walked in the door i remembered why i hate haunted houses so much, and i was immediately, legitimately scared.

i don't know what it is about teenage drama geeks and goth nerds dressed up as scary monsters, and jumping out at me around every corner, that i can't handle. i am fully aware that they legally aren't allowed to touch you. i am also aware that they are pre-teens who probably have to be home by eleven, and definitely did their own scary make-up. still, when they are hiding in dark corners and snorting (? i didn't understand that but it still scared me) at me, my heart beats really fast and i feel like i want to cry (but i didn't, don't worry). part of it might stem from the fact that school shootings and crazy family murders are always executed by those same drama geeks and goth nerds. so maybe, deep down, they have the potential and desire to turn it into a real haunted house, and torture everyone. well, luckily lee caught on to the seriousness of my fright fairly quickly. he went from pushing scary guys into me and laughing in the beginning, to completely shielding me from them in the end. and he didn't even make fun of me until much much later in the evening when i had calmed down.

pretty much, the pre-teen fellow dressed in all black, with glow-in-the-dark lipstick, who jumped out at me at one point and stayed right in my face, summed it up best when he loudly whispered into my ear: "i'll be in your nightmares!"...needless to say, he was.

things i like lately

1. Home Cooking With Paula Deen---this is a show on the food network. now, don't start thinking i actually cook along with paula. i just like to watch her cook delicious foods, and listen to her southern accent. plus, i happen to know (from seeing her on oprah once) that she survived an abusive marriage, and started her business on her own. so there.



2. Scrabulous---online scrabble for total nerds like me (and lee). it's the second best thing to real live scrabble. and the third best thing to real live boggle. maybe i should look for online boggle...

3. my new job! i love it.

4. cherry coke zero---i love it right now, but i can see myself getting sick of it soon, and then being grossed out by it. so this might be a temporary love.





5. Best Week Ever---i've always loved this show, but lately it's been especially funny. their commentary on pop culture is better than anyone else's. also, we saw one of the comedians at bumbershoot, so i feel like now i have a special "in" with the show or something (but i don't).

good news!

i took a very important test today, and was quite pleased with my results. i wanted to share them with my family and friends, so here you go:





yes, that's right. when it comes to the MTV reality show "the hills", i'm most like Whitney. Phew. I am so glad i'm not like stupid pushover heidi, or dummy airhead audrina. i know you're all dying to figure out who you're most like, so go here and then let me know. if you're a heidi, we can't be friends. sorry.

help

i haven't posted in a while for a few reasons. here they are:

1. i was out of town, in yellowstone for a week

2. i've been sick (off and on) for about a week (yes, the same week that i spent in yellowstone)

3. it's gotten cold in my house, and when i type, my fingers get increasingly cold. to the point where i've just decided not to use my computer. until today when i finally admitted to myself that summer is over, and turned on the heater.

4. i'm still sick.

here are my symptoms, and i'd like to know if anyone has a diagnosis:

a.) gross taste in my mouth at ALL times

b.) upset stomach

c.) raging headache

d.) everything i eat tastes gross. even if it's something that i know for sure isn't gross, like ice cream. it still tastes gross and makes me want to throw up.

e.) grouchy and rude to people

f.) acting like a baby who needs her mommy when she's sick


if any of you have any guesses about the diagnosis, or would like to offer tips as to how to get better, i'd welcome both. mostly because this is what i look like right now, and i need help:

cheaters

i don't want to name any names, but some people might not have taken the quiz on my previous post very seriously, and therefore cheated, throwing off the scores. so i just want to make it clear to everyone that VANESSA is the winner! she will receive a prize package containing all sorts of entertaining/pretty things. i'm so impressed that even though i haven't seen vanessa in forever, and we don't talk super-regularly, she still got 90% on my quiz (without cheating)! i think all those late night conversations when we lived together, and long emails really paid off.

you don't even know

i used to make these quizzes a long time ago, and i decided enough time had passed that i could make one again. i'm sure some of you probably have missed taking quizzes about my life. well, here you go. here's your chance. plus, there are some people who have never taken one. plus, i'd really like to know how well all of you "friends" really know me. the person with the highest score gets a prize! the person with the lowest score gets a punishment!

Take My Quiz on QuizYourFriends.com Can you Ace my quiz? Yes! No Let's Find Out!

mcfly?

this is so weird. the other day i received a text message from the future! December 6, 2019 at 11:30pm to be exact. here's a picture so you know i'm not making it up:





i was at work when i got it, and it was approximately 10:15am, and since i was obviously intrigued, one of my co-workers decided to call the number from her phone to see who it was. according to the recorded operater voice, the number was "unavailable"---even more weird.

as you can see, the message is blank. lee thinks it is my future self (in the year 2019, as shown) trying to send my current self a message, but since my current self doesn't have the kind of advanced technology that my future self has, i am not able to receive said message. i think i might have to agree with that. especially because i wrote the future back, and said "what are you trying to tell me?", and never got a response. i rest my case.

I'm "it"

So, vanessa tagged me, which means i get to complete this quiz about myself. I secretly love to complete quizzes about myself, so this is a great situation for me. you, on the other hand, might not find it as interesting to read. but since i've been tagged, it's my responsibility to the blogging community to fill this out.


Jobs I've held...
1. Phantom Lake Pool Snack Shack (my first job, and chris eide and i both got fired for talking trash about the boss's daughter)
2. NY Bagel Boys (i only lasted one month, then quit because i got too grossed out when i had to cut meat for sandwiches)
3. BYU Testing Center
4. Primary Children's Hospital Psychiatric Technician (current job)

Movies I can watch over and over...
1. Amelie
2. Stomp the Yard
3. Good Will Hunting
4. Rushmore
5. Raising Arizona

My Guilty Pleasures...
1. Celebrity gossip magazines (all of them, every week)
2. Celebrity gossip tv shows
3. Mariah Carey
4. Diet Coke (all day, every day)

TV Shows I enjoy...
1. ANTM (america's next top model)
2. Project Runway
3. Intervention
4. Run's House

(oh man, i just realized those are all reality shows. what am i doing with my life?)


Places I have been on vacation...
1. Caye Caulker, Belize
2. Belfast/Dublin, Ireland
3. Venice, Italy
4. Austin, Texas

Favorite foods...
1. Popcorn (lots of salt, not too much butter)
2. String Cheese
3. Brown Rice
4. Peanut Butter

Awards I have won
1. i don't want to talk about it
2. oh, wait. i think i won "student of the quarter" once in high school...
3. no, i think that was actually my brother. sad.



Hobbies I enjoy...
1. photography
2. wrapping gifts, and sending them in the mail. also, receiving gifts.
3. selling things on ebay
4. sewing

Secretly, I wish I could....
1. quit my job (but i guess that's no secret)
2. play just ONE sport without looking like a fool. just one.
3. start a business of my very own.
4. constantly fill out quizzes about myself.

A random thing about me...
my hands can squish until they're so tiny that they can fit into tiniest of little openings (jars, car windows, etc.). i think i might be missing bones in my hands. seriously, it's pretty weird.



so now it's my duty to "tag" people. it's unfortunate that many of the people i want to tag, don't have blogs. but anyway, i hereby tag the following people:

1. leland
2. natali
3. shalee
4. shea

grand opening!

as you may have noticed, there's a new addition to my blog, over to your right. it's the scrolling gallery for my new EBAY STORE! my friend natali and i decided to sell some of our vintage clothes on ebay. then it got to be so fun that we decided to open a full-fledged store and keep looking for more vintage clothes to sell. the final product is up and running as of today, so please look and see if there's anything you want to BUY, or maybe you want to give a loved-one a gift of pure vintage goodness. whatever the case may be, you should check out our store and see all of the shoes, purses, dresses and other wonderful things we have to offer. if you don't want/wear/like/support vintage clothes, then you could always just buy something and consider it a donation to me. i'm willing to work something out with you, no matter what your vintage needs are. check for new listings every week!

See This Now

i saw this movie last week and i feel like i need to promote it myself because i haven't seen it being promoted anywhere. it is so great, and was at sundance in january, but i didn't get a chance to see it there, and now it's in (very few) theaters. anyway, it's called Eagle vs. Shark.

Here are a few pictures that might give you an idea as to how great it is:




and you should probably watch the trailer


it's so funny, and sweet, and might remind some of you of Napolean Dynamite a little bit. but i liked it much, much more. i'll warn you, there are some unexpected parts and there's some flavorful language, but it's all oh so worth it.

go see it, and then tell me how much you love it. don't tell me if you don't like it, because i might no longer like you.

but wait, there's more!

i was in las vegas last week, walking through a casino at a high speed, because i hate casinos(the only time i've really liked being in a casino is the time me and shae went to Reno and played roulette. we decided what color to bet on by calling random friends in the middle of the night and yelling "RED OR BLACK?! RED OR BLACK?!" as soon as they answered, then going with their pick. then we played the nickel slots all night, and almost went to see pat benetar in concert. it was great, but that's not my point).

my point is that i was walking through this casino, when something caught my eye. it was a familiar face:



what was the Infomercial King, Ron Popeil doing in this casino you ask? well okay, it wasn't actually him. but a Ron Popeil slot machine is just as good if you ask me. maybe better.



for those of you who are not familiar with Ron Popeil, he's the creater of such wonderfully innovative household items as the Food Dehydrator, the Veg-O-Matic, the Chop-O-Matic, the Popeil Pocket Fisherman, and the ever-popular spray-on hair (GLH-9 Hair In A Can Spray). He has many other inventions that i can't think of right now, but just turn on your tv at around 3am and i am sure you will see him. He practically invented the infomercial. he definitely perfected it. now that i think about it, it's perfectly understandable that he would have his own slot machine in vegas. it probably chops up vegetables and stuff to.

they just wanna, they just wanna

last night some friends and i had a girls' night. it was so perfect, and consisted of several of my favorite things:

1. hair removal (not as weird as it might sound)

2. candy consumption

3. making fun of people (mutual friends, eachother, celebrities, etc.)

4. facials

5. exchanging beauty tips (did you know that it's good for your skin if you rub melon rinds all over it? true)

6. celebrity gossip (RIP tammy faye)


the best was the waxing. two of the girls are actual estheticians so they totally knew what they were doing. i got something waxed that i never even knew i could wax...




my nostrils!




it was the coolest thing ever! i know you are probably grossed out, but i think everyone should try it. especially old men who have those hairs sticking out of their noses/ears all the time.

we waxed other things too. all in all, a LOT of hair was removed at girls' night.






also, there were endless amounts of diet coke, which made me feel right at home (don't judge me). especially because almost everyone there was also an addict.




so girls' night was a success and i even made gift bags for people, because i started to get carried away for a while and must have thought i was going to an 11 year-old girl's slumber party or something. or maybe an awards show, because they give away those gift bags to everyone who presents an award. only their gift bags have ipods and digital cameras in them, and mine had nail polish and lip gloss in them. but whatever.

tis the season

have you been spending all your free time lately trying to find the perfect gift for me? something that you know i'll love, but that is also practical? well, look no further. i've decided to publish this summer gift guide just for you. so here are a few things i feel that people should buy me. and i don't have any preference which items come from which friend/relative.






and these come in adult sizes:



and it's not like it would kill someone to buy me this pretty dress:



if you really love me, you'd want me to have this (or at least something similar):



i realize my birthday is five months away, and Christmas is six months away, but i think mid-summer is a great time to show love to your friends through material goods. don't you?

75.5

i thought i would do way better on this.


take this quiz and tell me your score. i'd like to see where i rank.

ew.

monday morning (June 25), while i was just getting to work, this guy was shooting a police officer in the head just one block away from me. here's the whole story if you want to read it.




it's too bad because i think facial tattoos were just starting to become more acceptable in society, and now he had to go and give all the nice guys out there with tattoos on their faces a bad name. that, and he killed a man.

i've let you down.

i feel like i need to confess something to everyone who's read a certain post on here. but let me start out by saying a few things in my defense:

1. sometimes when i have already used up all my pink lemonade and citrus flavored zipfizz, and there is only berry flavor left, which is disgusting, it's hard to come up with a replacement morning-beverage (which everyone needs).
2. it's really hot here lately. like over 100 degrees.
3. everyone makes mistakes.
4. it's not like i'm as bad as i used to be, i'm just a little tiny bit off the wagon (or is it "on the wagon"? i have never known for sure).
5. i'm still a good person.
6. there are a lot worse things i could be drinking.

so yeah, i started drinking diet coke again. but here's something that should make us all feel better about it:



diet coke plus is my new plan. it includes vitamins and minerals (i haven't looked into which ones, or how many, but knowing the coca-cola company, i'm sure they are all the appropriate amounts of the necessary vitamins and minerals), so it makes for a perfect breakfast beverage. so there's no need to worry.

lagoon is WICKED fun

I don't want to make you guys too jealous, but yesterday i got my Lagoon Season Passport. it actually looks more legitimate than my Utah Drivers License (which i would post a picture of as well, if the picture was more flattering---not that the lagoon passport picture is flattering).



anyway, this passport allows me to go to lagoon (for those of you who don't know what lagoon is, please click here as many times as i want, and ride as many rides and waterslides as i want, ALL SUMMER LONG.

so yesterday lee and i decided to try our passports out for the first time, and the second thing we did was go on the new rollercoaster called "Wicked". I wish i was better with adjectives, because all i can think to say about it was that it was "SO FUN" or "AMAZING" (kind of like how the only adjective my dad ever uses to describe food is "tremendous"). anyway, it was way better than i expected. my hopes weren't up very high because a few years ago, lagoon went all crazy, advertising for their new ride called "the bat", and i got all excited and then when we went on it, it was super lame. but Wicked is all it was hyped up to be. here's an example of the danger/fun that takes place on Wicked.


as you can see, it goes straight up and then straight down, while your feet are dangling in the air. terrifying.

i promise anyone reading this that if you come visit me in utah, we will go to lagoon and i will take you on Wicked, and you will love it. the end.

i don't like to brag, but...

the other day i took a bunch of kids outside to play on the playground. when we were coming inside, i saw this:





i was pretty flattered to say the least (especially knowing i am the only "lisa" in the whole building).

also, i can now consider myself in the company of a person named Tate who used to be a neighbor of mine as a child. my brother bj and i once wrote "tate is cool" (using squirt guns) on our fence in our backyard (over, and over, and over). we weren't lying about him though. he was a few years older than us, but decades cooler, due mostly to his leather jacket, his hard rock band, and his smoking habit.

anyway, i really hate to brag.

AIRCONDITIONEDSHOPTHEMALL

on Saved By the Bell, they had "The Max". on 90210, they had "The Peach Pit" (or "The Peach Pit After Dark", for those who might be familiar with the later years). for my friends and i during our high school years, we had Lil' Jon's.

the appeal of Lil' Jon Restaurant (it's full name) as a teenage hang-out was threefold:

1. LOCATION --centrally located in the Eastgate Plaza (also known to locals as "air-conditioned-shop-the-mall", due to a large, neon sign that stood high above the plaza for my entire life, advertising the fact that it was a. air-conditioned, which is not necessary in the seattle area, and b. a "mall", which it just wasn't) sitting conveniently in-between the neighborhoods of many of my friends and walking distance from my house (though i don't remember ever walking there).

2. FOOD--as you can probably tell from the picture below, the pancakes are unrivaled. Bigger than necessary, thick, fluffy, just spongey enough to retain the perfect amount of syrup...needless to say, i have yet to experience a pancake that even comes close to that of Lil' Jon's. to be totally honest, i haven't really tried other dishes there, but i hear they are all just as legendary. my friend stephanie used to try new things all the time (even biscuits and gravy), and was always pleased. so my point is, their menu could please anyone's taste.



3. FAMILIARITY--this was the only time in my life that i was ever able to order by saying "i'll have the regular" (meaning one pancake, no butter), and not sound like a poser. well, i probably did sound like a poser, but i wasn't one. i was an authentic "regular". also, there was always a corner booth in the back available for us. even on weekends, when Lil' Jon's was crowded and there was a waiting list, somehow they would save us that booth, and just nod in its direction when we arrived. we were like Norm on "Cheers", only not fat or alcoholics.

so the reason i bring up Lil' Jon's is because i took a trip to seattle last week, and i had the opportunity to visit my old hang-out and have a pancake. It naturally brought back some memories, since i spent approximately 60% of my adolescence there. it was great to see the place again, and the food was just as good as i remember, but unfortunately none of the people there were the same. the old lady with crazy white hair and tight stretch jeans who would give us refills wasn't working, nor was the big, smiley guy who's job i was never clear on (possibly a waiter? maybe a greeter or something? i don't know). and that one lady who sat at the bar, smoking, and would go into the bathroom from time to time and come out wearing a different wig?...she wasn't there either. even the "air-conditioned-shop-the-mall" sign was gone (perhaps it is no longer air-conditioned?). Maybe this explains why i look the way i do in the picture below. i'm not sure. but anyway, at least the pancakes are the same.

the unimaginable has happened!

i have *quit diet coke.

anyone who knows me well, (which is everyone who reads this, because only people who know me well read this) knows that i have been a diet coke addict for over 10 years. probably 11 or 12 years. and the word "addict" isn't used here just to be funny or clever. i really was addicted. i used to joke that i would shoot it into my veins if i could, which really wasn't a funny joke, because if there was a way to do that, i probably really would have done it (if it didn't involve needles), which is more sad or scary than funny.

just so you get the idea of how bad the addiction really was, i'm going to walk you through an average day of my diet coke habit:

6:55am: stop on my way to work to get a 44oz diet coke from Maverick (the one where mark hacking went right after he killed his wife, for those who are interested)
9:00am: buy a can from vending machine at work (12oz)
11:00am: buy a can from vending machine at work (12oz)
1:00pm: buy a can from vending machine at work (12oz)
3:15pm: buy a 32oz from Maverick on my way home from work
sometime in the evening: another 32oz or 44oz is usually consumed at some point.



so if i were the kind of person who did math, i would notice that i averaged about 144oz (give or take) per day. that is a large number, that i am not proud of.

this is why i'm proud to say my beverage schedule has been drastically changed. i was introduced a few months ago to a (powder) drink called ZipFizz, which has changed my life. it was described to me as an energy drink, with no carbs, 10 calories, no sugar, millions of vitamins, electrolytes, etc. so i thought it would taste gross and probably not really give me any energy. but i decided to try it anyway, and boy was i wrong. it tastes so good, and instantly gave me actual energy. at the time, i wasn't even trying to *quit diet coke, but as soon as i drank ZipFizz, i didn't even want diet coke anymore. it was a miracle. it's been about 3 months of this, and i'm still *off of diet coke.



so maybe you're thinking to yourself "why do i care? i'm not addicted to diet coke", or "i'm not looking for a new beverage", or "i don't have any problems that can be solved by a delicious drink". but you couldn't be more wrong! i have converted 4 friends to it so far, and they all feel as strongly as i do that it is a life-changing beverage. some of them are the kinds of people who go to gyms and "work out" or "exercise", and they tell me it gives them more energy to do so. some claim it suppresses their appetite. no matter what ails you, i urge you to go buy some and then give me credit when all the problems in your life melt away with the first sip. getting credit has always been very important to me.

ps. you can only buy it at costco, or online. contact me with more questions.






*i only drink (diet coke) socially. maybe once a week, tops.

excited. E-X-C-I-T-E-D. excited.

anyone who knows me, knows that there are two things i can't get enough of. one of them is salty snacks, and the other is spelling. someone who knows this better than anyone, is rebekah (whom you may remember from "pour some sugar cookies on me"). she shares my feelings toward spelling (her feelings toward salty snacks however, are not quite as strong), and when we lived together, this lead to many hours of mocking the spelling/grammar errors of magazine writers, friends, strangers, etc. so when rebekah was given the opportunity to be an official "word-reader" for the spelling bee in her district (which took place on wednesday), she did what any good friend would do, and shared her good fortune with me.


as you can see by the above picture (look closely), not everyone takes spelling as seriously as rebekah and i do. but we were nonetheless E-X-C-I-T-E-D (which by the way, was the word i misspelled in my school spelling bee in 3rd grade, earning me third place, behind chris eide and marc czspreghy) to do our job and hopefully have a positive impact on the future of spelling.



the first thing we did when the kids arrived at the bee, was arbitrarily choose favorites. i chose a scrappy-looking 3rd grade boy who i thought had the look of a natural speller. he ended up getting out in the first round on the word "burrito", which he spelled B-R-R-E-T-O. i guess sometimes that scrappy look can also mean "better at sports". Rebekah's pick was a cute little 3rd grade girl in a pink skirt, who looked so nervous that she was probably minutes away from throwing up. she lasted a few rounds, but looked a little relieved when she finally got out.

so my big fear throughout the spelling bee, was that i would mispronounce a word. the words were a lot harder than you'd think (ephemeral, eiderdown, gestalt) for elementary school kids. in order to A-C-C-O-M-M-O-D-A-T-E the speller, when i pulled the word "corporal" out of the basket, i decided i should over-pronounce it. well, the stupid kid spelled it wrong anyway, he got out, and we went on with the bee. a few words later, his mom approached one of the judges, with the complaint that i had pronounced the word "cuh-PER-ul". clearly this mom doesn't realize the amount of respect i have for the art of spelling. plus, that's just not a word. so rebekah and i both felt this was simply a case of a mom not being able to admit that her son wasn't the speller she thought he was. The pronunciation scandal turned out to be minor, since the whole bee was being taped for that very reason. but still, it added another element of excitement.



so the poor spellers were weeded out, one by one, and eventually there were three talented ones left. rebekah and i both admitted to each other that we didn't want it to end, and we considered making up really easy words, just to keep the bee going for a while. i mean, this could end up being a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and i would hate for it to only last for one hour. when the winning speller emerged, it was a 4th grade girl who had apparently asked her teacher for the word list on the first day of school, so she could start studying for the spelling bee. bless her heart. rebekah and i are planning on going to the state spelling bee to support her. and also because we can't get enough of spelling bees. and also we're going to try to see if they need some volunteer word-readers, or maybe a J-U-D-I-C-I-A-L (the word rebekah got out on, in her elementary school spelling bee) position, now that we have some experience. i'm not kidding about that.

but wait, there's more! after the bee, i stopped by rebekah's house, where there were a dozen of The Best Cookies In All of The Land waiting for me. she had gone to st. george the previous weekend, and brought them back for me, and some for heidi. i can't think of a better way to top off the whole experience.

be my (#1) valentine (of 2007!)

valentines day came and went, but i got to spend it with some funny (and socially inept) kids, so it was a good one for me. i received a LOT of valentines from them this year (i hate to brag), so i decided i was going to pick a winner, the title being "Best Valentine of 2007". this idea originated from my brother, scott, who after opening presents on christmas day, likes to announce his "Best Gift of ___" (whatever year it may be). i feel it's a great way to acknowledge the gift-givers, while also encouraging them to try harder next year. so i'm going to rank my top three this year. i won't acknowledge the bottom of the list, because it mostly consists of store-bought valentines with popular cartoon characters on them, saying things like "you're tops, valentine!", and other things that nobody would actually ever say. but i would like to give an honorable mention to kevin, who wrote "happy valentines bay" on every single valentine he handed out. bless his heart, the 'b' and 'd' are really so hard to get a handle on. so here are my top 3.




3.) I like this one (right) because of its originality. the kids all made these, because they received little kits to make them. this kid decided "to hell with the kit!" and instead drew scars and removed a leg entirely. i feel like he did a good job bringing the theme of death into valentines day, which is not easy to do. and you'll notice that by removing the eyeballs, the bear has an almost evil appearance. but he's still saying to me "you're beary sweet"...i just love the contradictions here. well done, marcus.



2.) putting this one (left, and below right) in the top three might imply that i'm a little vain. perhaps that is true, but i also appreciate the amount of work put into this card. as you can see, not only did tony go so far as to make a list of things he likes about me, but he took it even further and drew a portrait of me (where i happen to be bearing midriff). i'm going to ignore that the girl in the portrait has huge hair, and isn't attractive. i think he meant well. and his list is somewhat repetitive, but i can see what he's trying to say. over all, tony's ranking is mostly due to his effort. very valentines day appropriate. very flattering.






1.) i think anyone would be in agreement with me about my "Best Valentine of 2007" (below). First of all, he spelled my name so creatively, that i'm considering changing the way i spell it (no offense to my parents, who meant well, but LESAE is much prettier). secondly, he unknowingly began a new trend among my co-workers and friends. "how are you?" is something most people get asked multiple times each day. i feel that josh really gets to the heart of the question when he gives me the options of answering only "yes" or "no". i passed the advice on to friends yesterday, and it has really caught on. "how are you?"..."um, no". "but how are YOU?" ..."well, yes!". it's so great! josh really hit it out of the park this year, with his innovative take on the old "check a box" theme we all used so long ago. i feel like that alone earns him the title of "Best Valentine of 2007". congratulations josh!

this drives me crazy (figuratively)

i was talking to my sister, amy, the other day and she told me this story about how my niece hit some girl at school (i have no doubt that the girl totally deserved it, and neither should you). but anyway, my niece refers to it as the time she "had to hit that girl". so i can only assume she "had" to hit that girl because the girl left her no other choice. the way i picture it, the girl was probably belligerent or something. maybe flailing, foaming at the mouth, etc., and needed to be hit in order to snap out of it. so i credit my niece with having the kind of awareness of the situation that allowed her to (literally) take matters into her own hands...
...ok i just distracted myself while writing this, because of the word "literally". sometimes people think that they are allowed to use the word "literally" just to place emphasis on their statement or something. for instance: "i'm so hungry, i could LITERALLY eat a horse". now, while i believe you that you're hungry, there is no possible way you could actually eat an entire horse. nobody can do that. you'd have to eat the bones, and the hair, and everything. so you see? it's not "literal". people need to watch what they say. people are constantly haphazardly using that word, without realizing they are saying absurd things. another example: "the Lord is a literal anchor for my soul" (i heard this one in church recently). i can give you a 100% guarantee that there is not an actual anchor on anyone's soul. that just doesn't make sense, and isn't physically possible either.

look. all i'm asking you to do people, is THINK before you use the word "literal". this is my plea. if not, you risk confusing others, and worse, making yourself look and sound like a fool.

...but what i was really going to say was that one time in the 6th grade i had to hit this kid, mitch clark because he said to my best friend anna niichel "girls are like rocks, if they're flat, skip 'em".