the unimaginable has happened!

i have *quit diet coke.

anyone who knows me well, (which is everyone who reads this, because only people who know me well read this) knows that i have been a diet coke addict for over 10 years. probably 11 or 12 years. and the word "addict" isn't used here just to be funny or clever. i really was addicted. i used to joke that i would shoot it into my veins if i could, which really wasn't a funny joke, because if there was a way to do that, i probably really would have done it (if it didn't involve needles), which is more sad or scary than funny.

just so you get the idea of how bad the addiction really was, i'm going to walk you through an average day of my diet coke habit:

6:55am: stop on my way to work to get a 44oz diet coke from Maverick (the one where mark hacking went right after he killed his wife, for those who are interested)
9:00am: buy a can from vending machine at work (12oz)
11:00am: buy a can from vending machine at work (12oz)
1:00pm: buy a can from vending machine at work (12oz)
3:15pm: buy a 32oz from Maverick on my way home from work
sometime in the evening: another 32oz or 44oz is usually consumed at some point.



so if i were the kind of person who did math, i would notice that i averaged about 144oz (give or take) per day. that is a large number, that i am not proud of.

this is why i'm proud to say my beverage schedule has been drastically changed. i was introduced a few months ago to a (powder) drink called ZipFizz, which has changed my life. it was described to me as an energy drink, with no carbs, 10 calories, no sugar, millions of vitamins, electrolytes, etc. so i thought it would taste gross and probably not really give me any energy. but i decided to try it anyway, and boy was i wrong. it tastes so good, and instantly gave me actual energy. at the time, i wasn't even trying to *quit diet coke, but as soon as i drank ZipFizz, i didn't even want diet coke anymore. it was a miracle. it's been about 3 months of this, and i'm still *off of diet coke.



so maybe you're thinking to yourself "why do i care? i'm not addicted to diet coke", or "i'm not looking for a new beverage", or "i don't have any problems that can be solved by a delicious drink". but you couldn't be more wrong! i have converted 4 friends to it so far, and they all feel as strongly as i do that it is a life-changing beverage. some of them are the kinds of people who go to gyms and "work out" or "exercise", and they tell me it gives them more energy to do so. some claim it suppresses their appetite. no matter what ails you, i urge you to go buy some and then give me credit when all the problems in your life melt away with the first sip. getting credit has always been very important to me.

ps. you can only buy it at costco, or online. contact me with more questions.






*i only drink (diet coke) socially. maybe once a week, tops.

excited. E-X-C-I-T-E-D. excited.

anyone who knows me, knows that there are two things i can't get enough of. one of them is salty snacks, and the other is spelling. someone who knows this better than anyone, is rebekah (whom you may remember from "pour some sugar cookies on me"). she shares my feelings toward spelling (her feelings toward salty snacks however, are not quite as strong), and when we lived together, this lead to many hours of mocking the spelling/grammar errors of magazine writers, friends, strangers, etc. so when rebekah was given the opportunity to be an official "word-reader" for the spelling bee in her district (which took place on wednesday), she did what any good friend would do, and shared her good fortune with me.


as you can see by the above picture (look closely), not everyone takes spelling as seriously as rebekah and i do. but we were nonetheless E-X-C-I-T-E-D (which by the way, was the word i misspelled in my school spelling bee in 3rd grade, earning me third place, behind chris eide and marc czspreghy) to do our job and hopefully have a positive impact on the future of spelling.



the first thing we did when the kids arrived at the bee, was arbitrarily choose favorites. i chose a scrappy-looking 3rd grade boy who i thought had the look of a natural speller. he ended up getting out in the first round on the word "burrito", which he spelled B-R-R-E-T-O. i guess sometimes that scrappy look can also mean "better at sports". Rebekah's pick was a cute little 3rd grade girl in a pink skirt, who looked so nervous that she was probably minutes away from throwing up. she lasted a few rounds, but looked a little relieved when she finally got out.

so my big fear throughout the spelling bee, was that i would mispronounce a word. the words were a lot harder than you'd think (ephemeral, eiderdown, gestalt) for elementary school kids. in order to A-C-C-O-M-M-O-D-A-T-E the speller, when i pulled the word "corporal" out of the basket, i decided i should over-pronounce it. well, the stupid kid spelled it wrong anyway, he got out, and we went on with the bee. a few words later, his mom approached one of the judges, with the complaint that i had pronounced the word "cuh-PER-ul". clearly this mom doesn't realize the amount of respect i have for the art of spelling. plus, that's just not a word. so rebekah and i both felt this was simply a case of a mom not being able to admit that her son wasn't the speller she thought he was. The pronunciation scandal turned out to be minor, since the whole bee was being taped for that very reason. but still, it added another element of excitement.



so the poor spellers were weeded out, one by one, and eventually there were three talented ones left. rebekah and i both admitted to each other that we didn't want it to end, and we considered making up really easy words, just to keep the bee going for a while. i mean, this could end up being a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and i would hate for it to only last for one hour. when the winning speller emerged, it was a 4th grade girl who had apparently asked her teacher for the word list on the first day of school, so she could start studying for the spelling bee. bless her heart. rebekah and i are planning on going to the state spelling bee to support her. and also because we can't get enough of spelling bees. and also we're going to try to see if they need some volunteer word-readers, or maybe a J-U-D-I-C-I-A-L (the word rebekah got out on, in her elementary school spelling bee) position, now that we have some experience. i'm not kidding about that.

but wait, there's more! after the bee, i stopped by rebekah's house, where there were a dozen of The Best Cookies In All of The Land waiting for me. she had gone to st. george the previous weekend, and brought them back for me, and some for heidi. i can't think of a better way to top off the whole experience.

be my (#1) valentine (of 2007!)

valentines day came and went, but i got to spend it with some funny (and socially inept) kids, so it was a good one for me. i received a LOT of valentines from them this year (i hate to brag), so i decided i was going to pick a winner, the title being "Best Valentine of 2007". this idea originated from my brother, scott, who after opening presents on christmas day, likes to announce his "Best Gift of ___" (whatever year it may be). i feel it's a great way to acknowledge the gift-givers, while also encouraging them to try harder next year. so i'm going to rank my top three this year. i won't acknowledge the bottom of the list, because it mostly consists of store-bought valentines with popular cartoon characters on them, saying things like "you're tops, valentine!", and other things that nobody would actually ever say. but i would like to give an honorable mention to kevin, who wrote "happy valentines bay" on every single valentine he handed out. bless his heart, the 'b' and 'd' are really so hard to get a handle on. so here are my top 3.




3.) I like this one (right) because of its originality. the kids all made these, because they received little kits to make them. this kid decided "to hell with the kit!" and instead drew scars and removed a leg entirely. i feel like he did a good job bringing the theme of death into valentines day, which is not easy to do. and you'll notice that by removing the eyeballs, the bear has an almost evil appearance. but he's still saying to me "you're beary sweet"...i just love the contradictions here. well done, marcus.



2.) putting this one (left, and below right) in the top three might imply that i'm a little vain. perhaps that is true, but i also appreciate the amount of work put into this card. as you can see, not only did tony go so far as to make a list of things he likes about me, but he took it even further and drew a portrait of me (where i happen to be bearing midriff). i'm going to ignore that the girl in the portrait has huge hair, and isn't attractive. i think he meant well. and his list is somewhat repetitive, but i can see what he's trying to say. over all, tony's ranking is mostly due to his effort. very valentines day appropriate. very flattering.






1.) i think anyone would be in agreement with me about my "Best Valentine of 2007" (below). First of all, he spelled my name so creatively, that i'm considering changing the way i spell it (no offense to my parents, who meant well, but LESAE is much prettier). secondly, he unknowingly began a new trend among my co-workers and friends. "how are you?" is something most people get asked multiple times each day. i feel that josh really gets to the heart of the question when he gives me the options of answering only "yes" or "no". i passed the advice on to friends yesterday, and it has really caught on. "how are you?"..."um, no". "but how are YOU?" ..."well, yes!". it's so great! josh really hit it out of the park this year, with his innovative take on the old "check a box" theme we all used so long ago. i feel like that alone earns him the title of "Best Valentine of 2007". congratulations josh!

this drives me crazy (figuratively)

i was talking to my sister, amy, the other day and she told me this story about how my niece hit some girl at school (i have no doubt that the girl totally deserved it, and neither should you). but anyway, my niece refers to it as the time she "had to hit that girl". so i can only assume she "had" to hit that girl because the girl left her no other choice. the way i picture it, the girl was probably belligerent or something. maybe flailing, foaming at the mouth, etc., and needed to be hit in order to snap out of it. so i credit my niece with having the kind of awareness of the situation that allowed her to (literally) take matters into her own hands...
...ok i just distracted myself while writing this, because of the word "literally". sometimes people think that they are allowed to use the word "literally" just to place emphasis on their statement or something. for instance: "i'm so hungry, i could LITERALLY eat a horse". now, while i believe you that you're hungry, there is no possible way you could actually eat an entire horse. nobody can do that. you'd have to eat the bones, and the hair, and everything. so you see? it's not "literal". people need to watch what they say. people are constantly haphazardly using that word, without realizing they are saying absurd things. another example: "the Lord is a literal anchor for my soul" (i heard this one in church recently). i can give you a 100% guarantee that there is not an actual anchor on anyone's soul. that just doesn't make sense, and isn't physically possible either.

look. all i'm asking you to do people, is THINK before you use the word "literal". this is my plea. if not, you risk confusing others, and worse, making yourself look and sound like a fool.

...but what i was really going to say was that one time in the 6th grade i had to hit this kid, mitch clark because he said to my best friend anna niichel "girls are like rocks, if they're flat, skip 'em".

pour some sugar cookies on me

so i went to st. george last weekend with my two favorites, rebekah and heidi. rebekah had a conference there, so we thought to ourselves (actually, we said it out loud) "hey! free hotel! pool! gas! food! pens and koosh balls with various organization's logos printed on them, from the conference! etc!" so we all went and it was fun and everything. we did the expected shopping, lots of eating, some lounging, and a whole lot of critically mocking, but little did we know that our whole trip would end up revolving around the Best Sugar Cookies In the All of the Land.

turns out that last spring, when rebekah and heidi went to Mesquite (i can't remember 1. why they went in the first place, because who goes to Mesquite?, and 2. why i didn't go with them), they discovered these gems at a mini-mart/gas station in st. george. i'm still in the process of forgiving them for not even telling me about them, let alone for not bringing any back for me. but whatever.

so my point is that we ate a LOT of these cookies over the weekend. mostly for research purposes. we're trying to figure out the recipe. you see, although they're friendly folk, when it comes to the cookie recipe, nobody at the mini-mart is talking. we tried every tactic we could think of, including (but not limited to) flirting, intimidating, sneaking into the back room and looking for it...but we were unsuccessful. so the choice we were left with was to simply eat cookie after cookie, trying to taste each ingredient, until we could decipher the entire recipe using our taste buds alone.

while that plan wasn't successful either, we did each secure a dozen cookies (heidi got two dozen because she's smarter than us) to take home. i have since given away three as precious gifts to close friends, expecting them to be met with a combination of shock and unworthiness (they were more just like "thanks for the cookie"--bastards). i have eaten a few (five). there are two left.

since this trip to st george, my whole focus in life has kind of shifted toward cookies. i've been doing recipe research online, i've been asking experienced bakers (i considered letting them taste a cookie to see if they could determine a secret ingredient, but i realized that would require my giving away another cookie, and i decided it wasn't worth it), i went to the store and purchased some ingredients, and i have thought--on more than one occasion--about making cookies myself. i think it's likely that i'll really do it. possibly this weekend.